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- Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
- When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
- Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
- Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.


заметил неприятную тенденцию: как мне начинает нравиться comedian, так он вскорости умирает.

Update: Thought to be, but NOT George Carlin quotes:

- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
- Is there another word for synonym?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
- Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
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March 2019

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