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A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there and found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. On the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums.

Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, “What are those drums?” The guide turned to him and said, “Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop.” Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks.

Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks (to coin a phrase), and he yelled at the guide, “The drums have stopped, what happens now?”

The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said, “bass solo”.

знаете ли вы, что

experience должен быть обязательно hands-on, а knowledge, наоборот, in-depth?

ещё анекдот

A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: “So, where y’all from?”

The girl from New York said: “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”

The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: “So, where y’all from, BITCH?”

how do you prepare your chickens?

A waiter asks a patron, “May I take your order, sir?”

“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, how exactly do you prepare your chickens?”

“Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

Honey, pack your bags.

A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!”

The wife says,“Ohmigod! No shit?! What should I pack,beach stuff or mountain stuff?”

The husband yells back,“It doesn’t matter… just get the hell out!”

are you a Doctor?

A man is walking through the mall with his teen-age son. The son is tossing a quarter up in the air and catching it between his teeth. On one such attempt, the boy fails to clamp down with his teeth and ends up getting the quarter lodged in his throat. As the boy begins to choke and wheeze the father panicks and starts yelling for help.

Not to far from the action is a man sitting at a coffee shop reading a paper and drinking his coffee, when he hears the fathers distressed cries he patiently puts down his coffee and folds his paper, he then walks slowly over to the boy and grabs him by the balls and squeezes the shit out of them. The boy coughs up the quarter and the man catches it in his hand and proceeds to walk away with it, sitting back down to his coffee. The amazed father runs over and says “Thank You Sir, you saved my son’s life, are you a Doctor?”
“No” the man replies, “I work for the IRS.”

A group of senior citizens

A group of senior citizens was sitting around talking about their ailments:

“My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee,” said one.

“Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another.

“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

“My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,” another went on.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he shook his head.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

“Well, it’s not that bad,” said one woman cheerfully. “Thank God we can all still drive!”

good news and bad

A man goes to the doctor for test results. The doctor says, “I have good news and bad. Which do you want first?”

“Give me the good,” the man says.

“They are going to name a disease after you.”

old fisherman, crying

A young man is walking down by the docks one day and decides to stop by a bar and have a beer. He walks into a bar, and sees a grizzled old fisherman, crying into his beer. Curious, the young man sits down and says, “Hey old timer, why the long face?”
The old man looks at him and points out the window, “See that dock out there? I built that dock with my own two hands, plank by plank, nail by nail, but do they call me Simon the dockbuilder? No,no."


The old man continued, “And see that ship out there? I ’ve been fishing these waters for going on thirty-five years! but do they call me Simon the fisherman? No,no. ”


The old man starts to cry again, “But you fuck one goat … ”

wife complained, “I have a headache.”

A husband walks out of the bathroom naked, and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, “I have a headache.”

“Perfect.” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with asprin. You can take it orally or as a suppository. It’s up to you!”